My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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