Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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