Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
