man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
