Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
