I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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