i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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