Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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