if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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