I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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