respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
