My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
