I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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