either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
