I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
