party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In other news, I just burned my penis
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
