The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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