oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
