ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
