I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
