Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
