Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
