11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
