Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize