I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
