I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
