what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize