i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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