You really coming over, don't trick.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
