I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
