I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
