who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
