Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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