Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
