Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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