Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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