You're my little dorito
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
