how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
These tits shall not be calmed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
