she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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