Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
