does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
