im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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