I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
