may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
