I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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