I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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