When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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