I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm both gender and math confused
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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