You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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