Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
