Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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