yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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