it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize