I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
