my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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