i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
