hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
