So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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