Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
