Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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