that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
