Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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