he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
