I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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