I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
