I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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