also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
