i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
