i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
