I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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