I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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