bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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