you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
