did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
