So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize