i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
