If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
