somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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