and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize