my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
