wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
